Love without attachment...

I know, this sounds practically imposible, right? I think the mere idea is inconcibable for most of us… but if you really come to think about it… most of our relationships are really based on attachment, on a never ending list of expectations, conscious or unconscious.

We meet someone, and we start by exagerating the attractiveness, we idealize the person, as if it were a God/godess that had the power to provide us our every need, we “love” everything about them, but we really fall in love with the idea of a person right away… all of these dreams and projections we have from the first time we see them “Oh yes! This is exaclty what I was looking for…” We think this person will give us everything we want… (notice the I WANT factor, we are never very worried in this first encounters about us being able to provide all the “needs” the other person has). At the same time, the other person will make his idealization, his dreams, to see if he/she can proyect all his/her needs into this new person… if he/she thinks this new person can, the realtionship will move forward…
But, by now, I think you are able to see what is happening, we have two people that have fallen in love with the “idea” of eachother… And this can only lead to DECEPTION… after a few months, when they start realising, this person is not living up to your expectations, problems start coming up, we discover who the person really is, and there is really nothing we can do about it, we discover that person is also expecting you to fullfill this emptiness, this dream, this neverending fantasy, the fantasy that somebody will one day come and make you happy, your other half, and then everything will be perfect. Fantasy, expectation, selfishness that will lead to deception, over and over again…
I dont know how this works. We were all raised to believe we would find “The One”, and until then, we should reserve our love… And for some reason, we end up finding so many partners in our life, and after we have given “everything” to them, we end up crying, feeling like a victim, asking the same question over and over again….

We love unconditionally when we dont intend to posses...

Why did he/she doesn’t appreciate everything I gave? I gave everything I had for him/her and he threw it over board… And now I feel I gave everything and I don’t have any more to give… we end up so hurt, and resentful… men hate women, women hate men… but we can’t live whithout eachother right?
Was it love? Was it attachment? What is love? What is attachment?
I was in a buddhist talk the other day and they described it very nicely, when its love, you feel at ease, peaceful, patient, happy, light… there is no such thing as fear when love is in the air… attachmemnt? you can quickly notice it when you start feeling anxious, jealous, you try to start controling…
And as they say, the root of all of our problems, specially our relationships, is that we think that our happiness is more important than everybody elses’ happiness… but try this, at least once, start thinking that everybody’s happiness is JUST as important as yours, start thinking that your partner’s happiness is just as important as yours, and you will see how this neverending demands from you smoothly easen up…
Their happiness and their freedom is just as important as yours. Go back to this thought over and over again…
We unconsciously want people to behave the way we want them to behave, WHY? because we are thinking of OUR happiness, of OUR freedom, of OUR  wellbeing, and when people don’t behave how we would have expected them to behave towards us or a certain situation, we become angry, deceptions arise, we start planting little seeds of resentment that later on will grow into bitterness, anger or depression…
This is only one way of putting it, but for sure it can lead to a more peaceful and integrated experience of love in our lives…
Try the experiment this week, hold strong to the thought in your mind and in your heart:
“EVERYBODY’S HAPPINESS IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS MINE”
“HIS/HER HAPPINESS AND FREEDOM ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS MINE”
This is the fisrt step of learning to love without attachment, when we master it, no more room for a broken heart, when we raelly understand it is not always about us, our heart will be able to beat faster, no fear of loving or letting go….